Posted by AR -- Bill's velveteen rabbit companion.
Just a short note -- tomorrow is Easter and I have chocolate eggs coming out of my ears.
You know, we Easter bunnies work our cute little tails off for you. Just a reminder that you could show us a little love. Am appreciative note, an organic, non-GMO carrot -- you know. You leave milk and cookies for the fat guy on Christmas Eve. Does he look like he needs it?
Just a reminder. If you can tip a waitperson for bringing you a Molson's, the least you can do is to leave a little carrot for your Easter bunny. And a beer.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
Sherman Statement
Posted by AR -- Bill's velveteen rabbit companion
I was going to abandon this blog permanently but I felt the need to address the rumors that I was going to run for President of the U.S. in 2016.
Obviously, I could beat any of the bozos who are running at this point -- and I'd be a much better President. But that's not bragging -- that's just saying that the present presidential lot of candidates are idiots. You could probably beat them too. The problem is that I think that I come from Canada.
Actually, I'm not sure where I come from -- they just don't tell you these things when they sew you up. But I remember that it was cold -- and I do like my Molson's. So I'm guessing that I'm Canadian, eh?
It's too bad. I've noticed that 1% of the rabbits own almost all the carrots -- and they're climbing over the wall from Canada and entering the warrens illegally. If I were President I'd do something about it. But, to be politically correct, I'd have to switch to Coors from Molson's -- and there are some sacrifices that you shouldn't have to make for your country.
You'll have to excuse me now. They're showing curling on TV.
I was going to abandon this blog permanently but I felt the need to address the rumors that I was going to run for President of the U.S. in 2016.
Obviously, I could beat any of the bozos who are running at this point -- and I'd be a much better President. But that's not bragging -- that's just saying that the present presidential lot of candidates are idiots. You could probably beat them too. The problem is that I think that I come from Canada.
Actually, I'm not sure where I come from -- they just don't tell you these things when they sew you up. But I remember that it was cold -- and I do like my Molson's. So I'm guessing that I'm Canadian, eh?
It's too bad. I've noticed that 1% of the rabbits own almost all the carrots -- and they're climbing over the wall from Canada and entering the warrens illegally. If I were President I'd do something about it. But, to be politically correct, I'd have to switch to Coors from Molson's -- and there are some sacrifices that you shouldn't have to make for your country.
You'll have to excuse me now. They're showing curling on TV.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Kim & Kanye's Baby
Posted by AR -- Bill's velveteen rabbit companion.
A lot of people and rabbits have been asking me what I think about Kim & Kanye naming their new kid "North." (Well, to tell you the truth, no one has really asked me what I think about it -- most of my friends are much more interested in Kate's pregnancy. Rabbits and Bostonians are notorious Anglophiles. Totally addicted to Downton Warren.)
Anyway, I do think that it's a little silly -- but I would never say so. After all, when your own first name is "Atomic", you don't go around criticizing other entities' first names.
I don't know what its middle name is, but I would have picked "Bynorth." It sounds kind of British -- and it would make a nice Hitchcock tribute. North Bynorth West.
A lot of people and rabbits have been asking me what I think about Kim & Kanye naming their new kid "North." (Well, to tell you the truth, no one has really asked me what I think about it -- most of my friends are much more interested in Kate's pregnancy. Rabbits and Bostonians are notorious Anglophiles. Totally addicted to Downton Warren.)
Anyway, I do think that it's a little silly -- but I would never say so. After all, when your own first name is "Atomic", you don't go around criticizing other entities' first names.
I don't know what its middle name is, but I would have picked "Bynorth." It sounds kind of British -- and it would make a nice Hitchcock tribute. North Bynorth West.
Friday, September 23, 2011
God
(Posted by AR -- Bill's velveteen rabbit companion)
One of the truly amazing things about humans is how they always want to discuss how they feel about God and religion. Now, my head is admittedly full of stuffing, but here's the way I see it.
Either there is a God or there isn't a God. I suppose that there could be a God only on the first Tuesday of every month or southwest of Cincinnati, but that prospect makes the stuffing in my head hurt.
If there isn't a God, humans are spending their time arguing about nothing. Considering the number of Chicago Cubs fans out there, however, this type of irrational behavior among humans is totally believable.
If there is a God, though, I ask you -- would the omnipotent Creator of the universes lose a lot of sleep over whether any of the humans debating His/Her/Its existence reached a positive conclusion? I think that humans must think rather too much of themselves.
But I'm avoiding the question, I suppose -- do I believe in God? Look, guys, I'm a rabbit. A stuffed rabbit, to boot. I believe in carrots and sex. Maybe you find that shallow -- but it's certainly more intelligent than rooting for the Cubs (the baseball team -- not the species). But I'll tell you one thing: if, when the time comes, I go to that great landfill in the sky, and I find out that there isn't a God, I'm going to miss Him (Her/It -- OK, PC enough?)
One of the truly amazing things about humans is how they always want to discuss how they feel about God and religion. Now, my head is admittedly full of stuffing, but here's the way I see it.
Either there is a God or there isn't a God. I suppose that there could be a God only on the first Tuesday of every month or southwest of Cincinnati, but that prospect makes the stuffing in my head hurt.
If there isn't a God, humans are spending their time arguing about nothing. Considering the number of Chicago Cubs fans out there, however, this type of irrational behavior among humans is totally believable.
If there is a God, though, I ask you -- would the omnipotent Creator of the universes lose a lot of sleep over whether any of the humans debating His/Her/Its existence reached a positive conclusion? I think that humans must think rather too much of themselves.
But I'm avoiding the question, I suppose -- do I believe in God? Look, guys, I'm a rabbit. A stuffed rabbit, to boot. I believe in carrots and sex. Maybe you find that shallow -- but it's certainly more intelligent than rooting for the Cubs (the baseball team -- not the species). But I'll tell you one thing: if, when the time comes, I go to that great landfill in the sky, and I find out that there isn't a God, I'm going to miss Him (Her/It -- OK, PC enough?)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Predators
(Posted by AR -- Bill's velveteen rabbit companion)
You have to realize that, when you're a rabbit, you're really pretty vulnerable. There are a lot of predators out there -- wolves, foxes, dogs. . . Even when you're a stuffed rabbit, there are stuffed dogs (well, maybe not so many stuffed wolves and foxes.) I do have a dog friend, but he's an agreeable sort who seems to prefer Thai food.
My point is that I don't understand why you humans are so afraid of everything. I mean, you can leave your houses anytime you want without getting assaulted by a larger animal. Even more amazing, since you don't have any natural predators, you seem to have filled the gap by attacking each other. I really don't get it -- is it because you're bored? Life without foxes chasing you is so boring that you have to kill each other?
If that's what happens when a species lacks predators, well, I'm glad that we have foxes and wolves. I'd rather be hunted than turn on my own species.
You have to realize that, when you're a rabbit, you're really pretty vulnerable. There are a lot of predators out there -- wolves, foxes, dogs. . . Even when you're a stuffed rabbit, there are stuffed dogs (well, maybe not so many stuffed wolves and foxes.) I do have a dog friend, but he's an agreeable sort who seems to prefer Thai food.
My point is that I don't understand why you humans are so afraid of everything. I mean, you can leave your houses anytime you want without getting assaulted by a larger animal. Even more amazing, since you don't have any natural predators, you seem to have filled the gap by attacking each other. I really don't get it -- is it because you're bored? Life without foxes chasing you is so boring that you have to kill each other?
If that's what happens when a species lacks predators, well, I'm glad that we have foxes and wolves. I'd rather be hunted than turn on my own species.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tropical Storm Irene
(Posted by AR -- Bill's velveteen rabbit companion)
You humans are a reasonably good lot -- on the whole -- but you really bother me when you say insensitive things. For example, some humans have said that the media overhyped Irene. Now when you're only 9 inches tall (as I am -- with ears fully-extended), several inches of rain is definitely problematic. But that doesn't resonate with humans -- just because they're all giants, they don't seem to think that several inches of rain is a problem.
Interestingly enough, humans are the same way with each other. They seem to care so passionately about what happened to Caylee Anderson and, admittedly, that is important. But a few hundred thousand kids die in Africa, and everybody says "What a shame -- is there any news about Caylee? I wasn't on the jury, of course, but I just know that her mother did it." Is it because most of these kids in Africa are black and Caylee was a cute little white kid?
Hey, remember -- I'm a stuffed animal. I totally get "cute". "Cute" can get you pretty far -- I have to admit that I've played that card to the hilt myself. But here's my question -- don't you humans feel like you have things just a little out of proportion sometimes?
You humans are a reasonably good lot -- on the whole -- but you really bother me when you say insensitive things. For example, some humans have said that the media overhyped Irene. Now when you're only 9 inches tall (as I am -- with ears fully-extended), several inches of rain is definitely problematic. But that doesn't resonate with humans -- just because they're all giants, they don't seem to think that several inches of rain is a problem.
Interestingly enough, humans are the same way with each other. They seem to care so passionately about what happened to Caylee Anderson and, admittedly, that is important. But a few hundred thousand kids die in Africa, and everybody says "What a shame -- is there any news about Caylee? I wasn't on the jury, of course, but I just know that her mother did it." Is it because most of these kids in Africa are black and Caylee was a cute little white kid?
Hey, remember -- I'm a stuffed animal. I totally get "cute". "Cute" can get you pretty far -- I have to admit that I've played that card to the hilt myself. But here's my question -- don't you humans feel like you have things just a little out of proportion sometimes?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Introduction
Hello. I suppose that I should begin by introducing myself. My name is Atomic Rabbit, but you can call me AR for short. Actually, it might be better if you did call me AR, since there is a comic book character who trademarked my full name before I could secure the appropriate legal support. But that's a long story.
I am the long-time stuffed animal companion (58 years) of a human -- leaving behind any trace of false modesty for a moment, I would daresay a most fortunate human -- who has graciously volunteered to assist with the typing associated with this blog. I regret that my paws are simply not up to the task -- especially given the ludicrously small size of these keys. But I have learned not to complain -- after all, the fate of a stuffed animal, even one exhibiting some small measure of sensitivity and dignity, often tries the patience of the soul. But, as Faulkner said, I shall not only endure, but prevail.
Then again, considering the fact that Faulkner is dead, I really don't see him as prevailing over anything.
I am the long-time stuffed animal companion (58 years) of a human -- leaving behind any trace of false modesty for a moment, I would daresay a most fortunate human -- who has graciously volunteered to assist with the typing associated with this blog. I regret that my paws are simply not up to the task -- especially given the ludicrously small size of these keys. But I have learned not to complain -- after all, the fate of a stuffed animal, even one exhibiting some small measure of sensitivity and dignity, often tries the patience of the soul. But, as Faulkner said, I shall not only endure, but prevail.
Then again, considering the fact that Faulkner is dead, I really don't see him as prevailing over anything.
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